


tranquility

by nojeromo



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Fluff, Gen, I'm so sorry, M/M, Michael Mell Has Two Moms, Mild Angst, Mild Swearing, Pre-Canon, Pre-Squip, Pre-Squip Jeremy Heere, Valentine's Day, boyf riends - Freeform, but i think that's literally what i did, i hate people just dumbing jeremy down to his anxiety, i was gonna post this on valentines day but i got carried away procrastinating, it wasn't intentional i swear, it's just jeremy's internal thoughts being not so happy, jeremy is edgy, like very mild, technically, they're in sophomore year btw, weird metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29571690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nojeromo/pseuds/nojeromo
Summary: There were certain things Jeremy Heere liked, and there were certain things he didn’t. He didn't like school. He didn't like Valentine's Day. He didn't like his "family" or his house. He didn't like how loud his head was.But he liked Michael.//or: a one-shot which should honestly be renamed "jeremy heere gushing about his best friend and whining about how loud everything is for almost 3000 words"
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	tranquility

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to my homie-baloney (i know it's spelled bologna but it just doesn't look right when it doesn't look like a rhyme ok) thank u for putting up with my wack bmc hyperfixation, i don't know how you do it

There were certain things Jeremy Heere liked, and there were certain things he didn’t. 

Like, for example, right now he was (begrudgingly) climbing out of bed, rubbing his eyes with a sluggish daze that probably looked dumb. He didn’t like waking up, especially for school. He didn’t like school. Not in the slightest. It was noisy. So, so noisy.

He liked the quiet. And he didn’t mean in general (Lord knows Michael was too boisterous for that), he meant in his head. It felt like warm humming and fluttery footsteps, feelings that Jeremy seemed to desire more of every day.

Call him pathetic. Whatever. He wouldn't disagree.

Jeremy sighed, shaking his head as he got dressed slowly. He was mourning the fact that his sanity would soon be drained as he tugged on a blue cardigan, something he’d started wearing lately. He liked it; it was soft, and at least helped hide how thin he was.

Catching his reflection in a small mirror, he frowned, curling a bit in on himself. Maybe he looked a _little_ less skinny, but he still didn’t look _good._ Honestly, he didn’t know why he thought Sophomore year would be any better than the year before. If anything, it was just _more_ stressful. 

At least he had Michael.

Quickly yanking his backpack over his shoulder, he quickly headed downstairs to maybe grab a bite or two before the bus arrived. Wait, did Sophomores ride the bus? Was that uncool now? He didn’t wanna look lamer than he already did.

His heart seemed to plummet as he glanced around the empty kitchen and living room, bitterness replacing anything else. It had only been around 2 months since… _she_ left. Sometimes he even caught himself forgetting. He didn’t know how he was supposed to act about the situation.

What he did know was that he missed her. A lot. Michael didn’t agree, he was beyond furious, but as bad as she was to him… she was––no, _had_ ––been his mom. But Jeremy couldn’t even get _that_ right. 

He didn’t like that thought.

His thoughts seemed to bounce against the walls, making him swallow harshly as repeated insecurities and reflections rose in volume. Suddenly, he wished the kitchen was empty again. There was so much here. So much noise. Taunts and sneers and teases about how not even his mom wanted him. It was overpowering, suffocating, it scared him.

Before Jeremy could escalate any further, a loud _honk_ snapped him out of it, causing his heart to practically ricochet in his chest. But it was okay because he recognized that dumb honk. His mood almost seemed to soften as he ripped open the door, spotting a flashy, somewhat-hideous-looking car parked in front of his house. He started to smile when he confirmed his initial assumption, closing the door behind him and rushing towards the PT Cruiser. 

He didn’t even mind he’d skipped breakfast; he wasn’t hungry anyway. 

Music seemed to flood out of the car, leaving Jeremy boggled as to how Michael could stand having something that loud play while driving. He felt a smile tug on his lips as he spotted his friend flicking the volume down, presumably because he knew Jeremy didn’t like loud things.

“N-not that I don’t appreciate the visit, but, uh… you do know I’m fine with just riding the bus, right? Or, well, walking.” Jeremy focused on the way Michael casually leaned into the car seat, fingers tapping on the steering wheel with a carefree sense of rhythm. For someone who was only allowed to ride without a guardian to school and back, he radiated confidence. 

After a moment, he shrugged, somewhat teasingly. “I mean… if you would rather go ride in a bus full of sweaty, post-pubescent teenagers...”

Rolling his eyes, Jeremy just sighed and pulled open the car door, pulling it closed again as he slid into the passenger seat. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to ride with Michael to school, if anything, he wished he could every day, but he just felt… needy. Did Michael know he was such a mess that he needed constant moral support over the smallest things? He gulped, trying to quickly buckle despite his fumbling hands. 

“So… got any plans today?”

Glancing over as he tightened the seatbelt a bit, he opened his mouth to answer, before stopping on account of Michael’s tone and expression. It was a genuine question, right? So what was with the smirk?

_Oh._ He realized, after a moment. _You're joking._ He didn’t know what he was joking about, but Michael usually asked the question in a very chill manner, just wondering if Jeremy was free to play videogames or something.

“Uh… no…?”

Michael blinked, snorting. “I can’t believe it! 8th-grade-you would have never seen the day you forgot. Your hopelessly romantic ass would be checking your locker every 5 seconds as if there’d suddenly be this surprise valentine in there.”

Oh. So that was it. He felt his face burn as he recalled what Michael was talking about.

“S-shut up.” He awkwardly kicked Michael’s shin, clumsily maneuvering his leg back to his side, making a note to himself to _not_ kick Michael when they were in the front. “You know for a _fact_ I never do anything today. 8th-grade-me was just in denial.” 

Chuckling, Michael didn’t answer for a moment, pulling out the car from beside the sidewalk, humming as he drove slowly down the street and then turning onto the main road. “I mean, you also never _try_ to do anything.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ah, yanno. Who’s that girl you’ve started talking about? The one whose name you sigh out so much makes it sound like you’re singing it?”

Jeremy felt his face flush. “C-Christine?” (He made a point to _not_ sigh it out, thank you very much).

“Yeah, yeah, that’s right. Her. Why don’t _you_ ever make a move or something?” Michael raised his eyebrows, glancing over at him for a quick moment before looking back to the road.

He cringed at the thought. “Ew, no. I’d rather wait and never actually make a move until I grow old and _die._ ” At Michael’s exasperated expression, he huffed. “C’mon, Michael! She doesn’t even know who I am. I’d just look like some creep.”

Michael shrugged, smirking again. “Hate to break it to you, bud, but you kinda are.”

With an indignant squawk, Jeremy huffed and turned towards the window, feeling comforted by the usual teasing. A comment like that from someone else would have probably ruined his entire week, but not from Michael. Michael was a constant. He was the only person who cared about him. That made Jeremy feel better sometimes, he liked knowing that he’d at least have _someone_ to have his back. 

They continued without much more banter, the quiet sound of Michael’s music blanketing Jeremy’s thoughts, filling him with a soft silence. 

* * *

Unfortunately, life did not seem to take fondly to Jeremy Heere, as he had to regretfully bid Michael goodbye once they arrived. Not having a _single_ class with Michael made him want to just skip all of school entirely. Because without Michael, he was alone. It was loud without Michael. The number of times he humiliated himself every single day was exhausting. It made him want to just shrivel up and die right there and then.

But he didn’t. Because as sucky as class was, he supposed he should be grateful he and Michael shared lunch periods. He could still remember the panic he’d felt back at the start of the year when they had compared schedules. Seeing Michael was in Study Hall during Jeremy’s designated lunchtime had left him almost winded with worry. That was something Jeremy didn’t like to remember.

And, frankly, he’d thought Michael had been joking when he said he’d just skip study hall and take Jeremy somewhere off campus for lunch. For a term, that was just how it went. As nice as it’d been, alone without all the _noise,_ Jeremy felt greedy stealing Michael away from school.

The thing was, Jeremy _wanted_ to be greedy. Back then, he figured he should have just told Michael to stay in class every day. His education mattered more than soothing some dumb anxiety. Except he never did. He’d just let Michael catch up with him in the cafeteria and drag him towards his car because Jeremy was selfish. 

In his defense, lunch was _awful._ It was for _sure_ his least favorite part of the day. It was just so _loud._ Like right now, Jeremy was sitting awkwardly at a lone table, waiting for Michael to get back from 7/11. He knew he looked dumb, with his crossed legs and hunched back, leaning over his food into his crossed arms, as if he was trying to shield from every taunt and snicker that made its way into his ears. He knew that he was being a bit overdependent because without Michael he was just as fragile as glass, but he’d just been so on edge lately.

Every noise made him queasy. Every footstep and shoe squeak sounded like it was coming right towards him, every jabbing tone seemed to stab his insides, every laugh and snicker felt like greasy, slimy bugs, crawling through his skin. Everything was so much _louder._

It got to the point where he was about to just bolt, needing sanctuary somewhere with fewer people. It would still be loud, he knew that, but at least he would be alone. But before he could, he heard a familiar pair of footsteps, ones that didn’t send him into a panic. They weren’t following a usual walking pattern, and Jeremy knew exactly who it was from just the way they sounded. Occasionally squeaking while sliding and tapping, as if trying not to break into dance at any moment. But due to paranoia that for some reason, it _wouldn't_ be Michael, he continued sitting there.

“Hey, buddy, you doing fine?” There it was. Jeremy looked up, relieved on every level as Michael’s face looked back at him. He seemed concerned, which in itself made Jeremy feel better. Nodding, he tried to sit back a bit more casually, feeling a bit embarrassed. He uncrossed his legs and let his arms and hands settle on his lap as Michael plopped a plastic bag on the table. 

“Mkay,” Michael said as he caught Jeremy’s clunky nod, “just wondering. You looked like a turtle trying to hide in its shell. Except its shell is too small so now it’s just curled up there.”

Smiling, Jeremy rolled his eyes, watching as Michael rummaged through the bag, pulling out a container of _(disgusting)_ gas-station sushi and a _(disgusting)_ cherry slushie. “Jerk. I resent that.”

“I resent _you_." Michael slid a blue raspberry slushie over to Jeremy, snickering. But his snicker didn’t make Jeremy squirm, it didn’t make him feel sweaty and worried, it made him relax. Jeremy knew what Michael’s laughs and jaunts and expressions meant. And as noisy as they were, they didn't make him _feel_ noisy.

Jeremy reached out to grab and take a drink of his slushie, only to be surprised when Michael tutted and swatted his hand away. “Uh–”

“–Not in here. I refuse to sit in this gross room today.” He tugged on Jeremy’s sleeve, standing up and lightly pulling him forward. Rolling his eyes for what felt like the millionth time, Jeremy willingly stood up, grabbing his slushie and following Michael through the cafeteria. 

For a moment, he felt his heart start to hammer again, breath hitching as he stiffly marched forwards. The bugs were back, starting to crawl up his legs, it felt like every gaze was on him and only him, burning into his chest.

But when Michael glanced back at him and softly grinned, Jeremy smiled shakily as he realized that the bugs and burns had gone.

* * *

He had been surprised by the weather, which wasn’t as dull as it had looked from the windows. The air was slightly moist and cool, but not cold enough that Jeremy was bothered by it. It was comfortable, which is why Michael had led him behind the school, towards a secluded spot with bleachers. They didn’t have enough time to go somewhere outside of school, but Jeremy actually didn’t mind a whole lot as he sat down.

“What even is this place? Do you come here often?” he wondered aloud, starting to regret his question as he watched Michael’s face morph back into a twisted smirk. 

Casually sliding next to him, Michael obnoxiously wiggled his eyebrows. “The popular kids come here to make out.” He made his point worse by very loudly slurping from his slushie.

Jeremy squeaked (did he _normally_ squeak? It was embarrassing) as he kicked Michael as hard as he could. Barely even flinching, Michael devolved into a burst of cackling, scooting away from Jeremy as he tried to catch his breath. “O-oh my _God–_ y-your f-fucking _face!"_

“Hahaha.” Jeremy deadpanned, grumbling a bit as he (much more quietly) took a sip of his slushie. He knew his face was red, which reminded him of how much he hated his pale complexion. Thanks, Michael.

Once Michael stopped laughing as hard, he took another drink and glanced over at Jeremy. “That wasn’t a lie, but if you want a real answer, I have no idea why there’s random bleachers here.”

“You say that like it wasn’t already obvious.” 

“I bought you a _slushie,_ dude. You aren’t allowed to make fun of me.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrows. “Wow, a _slushie._ Not like you get me one almost every day. I am truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart.” He dramatically sighed, pretending to wipe a tear. 

“Watch it, smartass. I’m your ride to school.” Michael narrowed his eyes teasingly.

He blinked. “You’re… not, though…?” Michael’s driven him to school before, sure, but definitely not daily, as much as Jeremy would’ve liked that.

Michael’s smirk grew, eyes twinkling as he took another needlessly-large drink. “Says who?”

“W-wait, you’re serious?” Jeremy stared at him, blinking. He knew how much Michael liked to sleep in, and he wouldn’t be able to do that if he also had to pick up Jeremy. But Michael simply shrugged, a bit more solemn as he nodded. 

“Mhm. I might not be able to every time, and probably not a whole lot at the start of next year, but I’m sure my moms will be fine with it.” He shrugged as if he hadn’t just made Jeremy’s entire day. He seemed to notice Jeremy’s beaming expression because he just scoffed and punched Jeremy’s shoulder lightly. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s not a big deal.”

Having nothing to respond with, Jeremy just grinned again and turned his focus to his shoes, which he dragged along the bleacher below him. Michael started ranting about how Valentine’s Day was just a big corporate scam or something, and how it was just dumb as a concept, but Jeremy was truthfully only half-listening. 

It wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t cold. It wasn’t silent, but it wasn’t loud. It wasn’t perfect, but it might as well have been. Michael’s loud blabbering was nice and familiar, it wasn’t loud in his head. It took him a while to notice that after Michael had stopped droning on, there was no one talking. The near-silence was serene, cozy, and making Jeremy feel like he had butterflies in his fingertips. 

Of course, Michael had to break it by obnoxiously slurping again, trying to get something more out of his empty cup. Jeremy tried to sound exasperated as he softly reprimanded him, but he knew that there was no covering up the underlying fondness in his voice. Michael just chuckled in response, eyeing Jeremy’s half-drunken slushie. 

Jeremy, noticing this, stuck out his tongue (it was blue, he noticed) as he grabbed it and gave Michael an annoyingly loud slurp of his own. Michael snickered again, looking at him for a moment before lifting his gaze to the cloudy sky, a tune of some dumb song hummed under his breath. 

Smiling down at the ground again, Jeremy let out a soft sigh. Nothing about Michael put him on edge. Michael wasn’t ever mocking him genuinely, or trying to make him feel bad. Michael did the opposite; he squashed the icky bugs and shielded Jeremy from the piercing glares of everyone else without even realizing it. 

There were certain things Jeremy Heere liked, and there were certain things he didn’t. 

And as he and Michael continued sitting there for the rest of lunch, softly chatting or just saying nothing at all, Jeremy was happy. Because, sure, Michael was _noisy_ sometimes, but he wasn’t ever _loud._

And that was something Jeremy Heere liked very much. 


End file.
